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I damn near ran naked through the halls of this adult dorm which is in fact an apartment building banging on doors praying one would open in time to Heimlich me this evening. This is the sort of shit you run into when you’re comfortably alone at home running wheelbarrow loads of cold spaghetti into your mouth. Suddenly, you’re naked and at peace with committing to several more bites when the last few reveal they haven’t gone down yet. Their dry asses have dammed your sole swallowing tube in seconds. Full throttle unable to clear the blockage, I found out i’m not the person who logically hits their chest or reaches for water. Rather, I’m the bitch that grabs her collarbones like handles, runs to the mirror, and tries to give an inaudible instructional talk to her dilating eyes on how to remember the mechanics of swallowing. After an embarrassing moment of time where I quite literally forgot how to do the very thing i’ve been doing since i screamed out of my mother’s vagina, I looked at the door in fright. I have to go out there. Who’s home to fuggin turn me around and plunge their hands into my gut so i can vomit this godforsaken delicious marinara across the 60’s hotel carpet? Under duress, I had no rationale to consider how it might look to gasp for air in nothing but a grey thong in front of a neighbor i’ve never met who is easily having a chill Friday night in. I would have perished before they knew what to do with me. Thank god my fifth resort was a glass of water that was in fact pre-poured and resting only inches away from the mirror I thought would save my ass. 

i’ve ruined the romance for myself. A night in: a stretch, a shower, a handful of pasta in a pot, a film, and maybe a cup of water to the plants. Yet, i’ve left myself with dried marinara sauce over-lining my lips. Hair is still in the tightly bound high ponytail with extravagant frays fleeing the gathering with reckless abandon. Vinegar odor seeps from my feet that are now wriggled out from socks. And another shoveling of pasta makes its way in.