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i wish i was lying when i told you the i just spit out a whole mouthful of triscuits because i dipped it into pesto that suddenly tasted all too friendly with vinegar.

i wish i was lying when i told you my childhood self bit her toenails periodically. 

i wish i was lying when i told you i inspected my first period clots between my fingers

i wish i was lying when i told you i didn’t wash my bedsheets for a whole year in college. 

i wish i was lying when i told you i fell asleep behind the wheel of my car the day after prom when i was sixteen. 

i wish i was lying when i told you that i used to chew Chex Mix to mush, extrude the mouthful onto a fresh-from-the-bag seasoned pretzel, sandwich it with an additional pretzel, and eat what i thought were hand sandwiches.

i wish i was lying when i told you i took myself on a spontaneous shopping spree of over five hundred dollars in my broke college era that has yet to end. 

i wish i was lying when i told you i was moving to a new state with more than five boxes.

i wish i was lying when i told you that little red bag was new. 

i wish i was lying when i told you the version of myself that scraps and scratches and breaks her own skin had knocked on my door again

i wish i was lying when i told you i forced myself to vomit in the basement of my favorite place because i ate two cookies at dinner.

i wish i was lying when i told you i rewear socks.

i wish i was lying when i told you i still think about the words she struck knives into my ears with at dinner. 

i wish i was lying when i told you i had no idea why people said “loud” on the subway

i wish i was lying when i told you my afternoon consisted of eating Doritos, sliding a slurpee down my throat, and a sex and the city marathon for the third day in a row.

i wish i was lying when i told you i hadn’t seen [insert any absolutely culturally relevant film]

i wish i was lying when i told you i don’t like pedicures because it hurts when they grow out

i wish i was lying when i told you i was just picking at that ingrown hair

i wish i was lying when i told you i fainted in the shower where a stranger found me after an indeterminable period of time. 

i wish i was lying when i told you i sustained an email thread with a manager who refused to hire me with my piercings 

i wish i was lying when i told you i fractured my ankle falling down dormitory steps at nine in the morning, sober.

i wish i was lying when i told you i still bite my finger nails. 

i wish i’d be lying when i tell you i’m pretty nasty.