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I’ll listen to the same song on repeat for weeks. For the moments it’s not reaching my deaf ears, it’ll be in my dreams and being belted silently in my head. If it makes me feel, I have to move really fast with it. I skip to the part where I escalate everything, say I love you in missionary, and rescind my affection three days later after our bender in the honeymoon suite. Just because my love fades doesn’t mean we aren’t spending intense spans of time with each other anymore. I take that melody with me everywhere. It’s tucked in my lunchbox, meeting all my friends having to politely pretend every time is their first introduction, and queued in my corded headphones when I enter or exit work. The synth gets moodier and the vocal transitions continue to percolate serotonin. And, I’m its unrelenting lover for a span of time.

Therapists or young women with self care algorithms might diagnose the behavior as self soothing. I might agree.